Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize