I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
