I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
