You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
