What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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