I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
