I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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