Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
