Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
