her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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