I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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