Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
