great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
