Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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