The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize