I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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