he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have post one night stand depression
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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