how can u be prego again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
