I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
