I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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