Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
