i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
