i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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