That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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