Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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