After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
