I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
