My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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