as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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