Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Watching her eat just hurts me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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