it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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