she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
