Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my sisters under your porch take her home
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
