Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His hands were made for my vagina.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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