i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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