so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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