We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My feet surprised me
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