Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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