Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
