they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
