I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
