lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
