i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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