I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
