I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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