I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
