I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
