She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
