We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize