Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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