how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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