if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You can't motorboat a personality
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
