You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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