Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
