Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
