dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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