yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
