I am spending my child support on dildos
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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