oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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