...so i touched it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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