so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
