I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
