Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
sex in a hospital.. check
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
