see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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