so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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