She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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