Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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