I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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