New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
