soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
