I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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