All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
