Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
