you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
