You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
