I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
