I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
