I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
