I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
