you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
