could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize