she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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