please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
