my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
